I’ve been seeing an article circulating social media and I’m sure you’ve seen it too. Funny thing is it was written in 2013 and has somehow made its way back into the spotlight. The article is titled The Top 12 Reasons Why So Many Good Black Men Are Still Single.  I was excited because I know there are a ton of great single, black men and I couldn’t wait to hear the advice those men would receive. Then, I read the article to find 11 of the reasons mentioned were all things women were doing wrong. Wait. What? Yes, the writer actually wrote an article basically saying “good black men” are single b/c of black women. Seriously!?

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I’m a matchmaker and dating coach who specializes in black relationships so I’ll be the first to admit there are DEFINITELY things black women need to work on in the dating world. However, I’ll be the first to admit black men have things to work on as well. Everyone of every culture has things to work on.


I am sooooo over articles, blogs, coaches, and everyone else making all of Black America’s dating issues the result of mad, independent, fatherless, or (insert other black women stereotype here) black women.

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The worst thing you could ever do is allow yourself to place YOUR dating issues on someone else…especially an entire group of people.

Here’s why.

  • There are somewhere around 25 million black women in America. TWENTY FIVE MILLION…which means there is no possible way ALL OF US are the same… leading to my next point…
  • There are black women who like thugs, who like nerds, who like short guys, who like tall guys, who wants a man to lead, who wants to lead herself, who are completely dependent, who are completely independent, who can’t boil an egg, and who can cook better than your great grandmother. Therefore, you can’t box us in and assume we all have the same desires in a relationship.

Here’s the thing. If you can’t find ONE black woman out of nearly TWENTY FIVE MILLION that you’re compatible with, you can’t seriously put the blame on all of the women. Could you?

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Dating is really NOT that difficult. The problem is far too many people would rather waste their time and energy on the people not interested in them than pursue the people actually interested in them. That goes for men AND women.  I don’t care how stupid of a reason a woman writes you off, keep it moving and invest your time and energy in women who are interested in you.

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Don’t you have preferences? Why can’t she? She can and she will and that’s OK if you don’t meet her preferences. I’m sure there have been women interested in you that you wouldn’t give a chance. Everyone has preferences and it’s really not personal.

In my experience, most people are attracted to others like themselves. If the only thing you bring to the table is just a “nice guy,” then just date the nice girls. You’ll find her more receptive of you. If you get turned down b/c you don’t meet a woman’s ridiculous height requirement, go date a woman who doesn’t have a ridiculous height requirement.  You’ll find yourself much more successful pursuing those who will at least give you a chance vs. folding your arms and pouting b/c the woman you want doesn’t want you.

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Every single one of us will get turned down in our life. However, if you continuously pursue people who are not interested in you, you have to be honest with yourself. You’re not single b/c of the TWENTY FIVE MILLION black women. You’re single b/c you only pursue the small group of black women who are not interested in you. All you have to do is find ONE woman you want who also wants you. The more time you spend pissed about the women who don’t want you or who won’t give you a chance, the more time it will take for you to meet that ONE.

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