For those of us that watch The RHOA, we’ve had the opportunity to view Mama Joyce cross the line in at least 2 of Kandi’s relationships since she’s been on the show. While many have taken the increased media attention on the topic as an opportunity to bash Mama Joyce, I am reminded of the far too common MAD, BLACK, WOMAN!
No, not the mad black woman that rolls her neck with every phrase, puts a baseball bat to car windows, or solves every problem with a physical fight. Instead, I see the mad, black, woman that fought for equality, saw the world take her husbands and sons through drugs, prisons, and violence while she managed to maintain the home, keep her head high, and become very, VERY protective of her daughters in fear that she would endure the same struggles. She did a great job! She raised her daughters to take education seriously, to be successful in her endeavors, to never take “no” for an answer. The problem is that she raised her daughters to be too good for her sons.
We all know the stats. Recent studies have found that black women hold nearly 2/3 of all bachelors degrees. There is a 3 to 1 female to male ratio of black professionals and so forth and so on…we’ve heard it all before. While this is a great thing overall for the black community, this has been a problem for black relationships. Black Americans tend to be more traditional in our religious views. On any given Sunday you will find congregations full of successful, black, women. The church teaches us the man is to be the leader, the breadwinner, the head of the household. So, how can HE be the decision maker when SHE has the education and life experiences? How can HE be the breadwinner when SHE makes much more money?
Mama Joyce is undoubtedly outspoken. There is no denying that. I just don’t think she’s too different than many black moms. I know Vera, my mom, would definitely have some things to say if a man moved in MY home that I paid for. Yes, Todd has a job. However, the show clearly shows that his income is nowhere near Kandi’s success. I understand her concern, but there just aren’t many other options out there for Kandi. She could date a guy of another race. Ha! That’s so unlikely. Right after Asian men, black women are the least likely group of race/gender to marry outside of our race. Let’s be honest! There is just nothing on this planet quite like a black man. So, what do we do? We do the obvious. We stop holding our daughters to higher standards than our sons to prevent this continued cycle of unbalanced ratios. We accept the likelihood that we may be with someone who has less education or corporate experience, but THAT doesn’t mean that he can’t be the breadwinner, or the head of the household. He just might need us to be his cheerleader. Most of all, we stop being MAD. Times have changed. The white man is not out to get us. We have enough opportunity to be who and what we want to be. (well all of us except…Kanye lol) Things aren’t perfect…that’s for sure…but we have enough to work with. Far too many black women are folding their arms saying, “I know God has a man for me and I’m going to wait until he comes.” Please! God probably has sent you several men that you pushed away because he didn’t dress right, look right, or make the right amount of money. Let go of that “I’m too good for him” mentality you were taught by your mom. It’s important that we fix the black family. The family is the backbone of OUR community and OUR community is depending on us.